Stop Measuring Your Life With Someone Else’s Ruler

Sola Adesakin

September 22, 2026

Let me describe a moment you have probably lived. You are scrolling through your phone, maybe during a break, maybe late at night when the day has quieted down. And there it is. Someone you know, or someone you half know, living what looks like the life you have been working toward. The car, the holiday, the apartment and the business launch with a hundred congratulatory comments underneath. The casual photo that somehow communicates wealth, ease, and arrival all at once.

And something shifts in your chest. Not jealousy exactly, something quieter. A question you did not invite but cannot dismiss. Why am I not there yet?

That question has derailed more women’s financial progress than any bad investment ever has.

Here is what the highlight reel never shows you. It never shows you the debt behind the car. It never shows you the inheritance that funded the apartment. It never shows you the parent, the partner, or the silent benefactor underwriting the lifestyle. It never shows you the sacrifice, what was given up, what was borrowed, what was lost along the way. It never shows you the starting point, because everyone’s starting point is different and most people will never tell you what theirs actually was.

You are comparing your full, complicated, behind-the-scenes reality to someone else’s carefully selected public display. And then making financial decisions based on the gap between the two. That is not strategy. That is self-harm in slow motion.

The woman who upgrades her apartment because her colleague just moved to Lekki Phase 1 without knowing that her colleague’s rent was paid by family has not made a lifestyle choice. She has made a financial decision based on incomplete information. The woman who starts a business she is not ready for because an acquaintance’s launch looked effortless does not know that the acquaintance had two years of savings and a working spouse covering the bills. The woman who feels behind because she is still investing N10,000 a month while someone else seems to be buying property does not know that the property is mortgaged to the point of stress.

You do not know their numbers. You only know their pictures.

So let me tell you what actually works, and it starts with something far less glamorous than a highlight reel. It starts with your own numbers.

What is your income? What are your actual expenses? What is your net worth today, assets minus liabilities, written down plainly? What is the gap between where you are and where you want to be? These numbers are not exciting. They are not shareable. Nobody is posting their net worth calculation on Instagram. But these numbers are yours, and they are true, and they are the only foundation that anything real can be built on.

Once you know your numbers, set your vision. Not someone else’s vision. Yours. What does financial freedom look like for you specifically? Maybe it is owning your home outright within seven years. Maybe it is building an investment portfolio that generates N200,000 a month in passive income within ten years. Maybe it is leaving full-time employment by 50 with enough to live well without anxiety. Whatever it is, write it down in specific terms. Give it a number, a timeline, and a reason that matters deeply enough to keep you going when the highlight reels start tempting you to compare again.

Then build, consistently without applause.

Consistency is the part that nobody celebrates because it is not dramatic. It is N75,000 a month into an investment account when you would rather spend it. It is reviewing your budget every single month when you would rather not look. It is saying no to things that do not fit your plan even when saying yes would feel so much easier in the moment. It is showing up for your own financial life with the same energy you bring to your work, your children, your friendships, without needing anyone to notice or validate the effort.

The women who arrive at genuine financial freedom five or ten years from now will not be the ones who kept up appearances. They will be the ones who kept up the discipline when no one was watching. They will be the ones who measured their progress against their own goals, not someone else’s carefully curated display.

Your life is not behind. It is just yours. And the moment you stop measuring it with someone else’s ruler, you will be shocked at how much clearer the path becomes.

Know your numbers. Set the vision. Build daily. Let the results speak when they are ready.

The highlight reel can wait, your future cannot.

About Author

Sola Adesakin

Sola Adesakin is a highly respected wealth coach and chartered accountant with over two decades of transformative impact in the finance industry. As the visionary founder of Smart Stewards Financial Advisory Limited and Smart Stewards Advisory LLC, she has revolutionized the financial wellbeing of countless individuals and businesses across 40 countries. Her methodical approach to ‘make-manage-multiply’ money principles has elevated many from financial stress to prosperity, and mediocrity to exceptional achievement.