Not Everyone Will Like You and That’s Okay

…The Confidence Shift That Protects Your Career

One of the hardest lessons I’ve had to accept in my career is not about competence, strategy, or even hard work. It’s this simple truth.

Not everyone will like you, no matter how hard you try.

For many women, that sentence lands like a warning. Because from an early age, we’re often conditioned to be agreeable, pleasant, and palatable. We learn to read rooms, soften our opinions, smile through discomfort, and make ourselves easy to accept. We’re praised for being “nice,” “humble,” “polite,” and “supportive.” Then we step into the workplace and carry the same invisible rulebook, believing that if we do great work and remain kind, we will naturally be liked and therefore supported.

But career growth has a way of challenging that belief.

The moment you start building a personal brand, taking up space, speaking with confidence, and climbing the ladder, you will meet criticism. Some will misunderstand your ambition. Some will question your competence. Some will be unsettled by your visibility. Others will simply decide, for reasons that have nothing to do with you, that they don’t like you.

And it can sting, especially if you’re someone who genuinely wants harmony.

I’ve seen it happen repeatedly. A woman gets promoted and suddenly her work is “too much.” She speaks up in meetings and is labeled “aggressive.” She sets boundaries and is called “difficult.” She starts owning her value and people say she has “changed.”

The truth is, you may not have changed at all. You may simply have grown. And your growth is forcing others to adjust how they see you, or how they see themselves.

Here is the reframe that freed me.

Likability is not a prerequisite for success.

Respect is.

Impact is.

Excellence is.

Integrity is.

And the higher you climb, the more this becomes obvious.

At higher levels, you encounter more opinions, more scrutiny, and more projection. People will have views about how you speak, how you lead, how you dress, how you assert yourself, how you manage your time, how you say no, how you negotiate, how you succeed. The more visible you are, the more visible your critics become too.

This is why one of the most important confidence shifts you can make is this.

Stop trying to be liked by everyone. Start focusing on being respected by the right people.

Because when you make likability your goal, you start editing yourself. You dilute your voice. You delay difficult decisions. You avoid healthy confrontation. You accept poor treatment just to keep the peace. You overwork to prove you deserve your seat. You keep quiet when you should speak. You say yes when you should say no.

And in the long run, that approach costs you your power.

But when you prioritise respect, you move differently.

You communicate clearly, not cautiously.

You set boundaries without guilt.

You deliver high-quality work consistently.

You build relationships based on mutual value, not approval seeking.

You let your results speak.

You stop dimming your light to make others comfortable.

You start leading.

Here are key lessons I’ve learned about navigating resistance, criticism, and being misunderstood on the path to success.

The first lesson is that you cannot control perception, but you can control performance and character. Some people will judge you before they understand you. Some will interpret your confidence as arrogance. Some will never give you the benefit of the doubt. Your job is not to convince everyone. Your job is to remain excellent and grounded.

The second lesson is that boundaries will upset people who benefited from your lack of them. When you stop overextending, some people will call you selfish. When you stop being endlessly available, some will call you proud. When you stop absorbing disrespect, some will call you difficult. This is not a sign that you’re doing something wrong. It’s a sign that you are changing the rules of engagement.

The third lesson is that criticism is not always a sign you are failing. Sometimes it is a sign you are visible. You are leading. You are rising. You are taking up the space you were meant to occupy.

The fourth lesson is that the people who truly matter will not require you to shrink to be accepted. They will respect you for your value, your contribution, and your integrity.

Now, let’s talk actionable steps. How do you succeed confidently even when not everyone likes you?

Start by deciding whose opinions matter. Not every opinion deserves your emotional energy. Create a simple filter. Do they know me? Do they understand my work? Do they have integrity? Do they want me to win? If the answer is no, their opinion is background noise, not guidance.

Next, build a reputation that can stand without your presence. Deliver consistently. Communicate professionally. Be reliable. When your work is strong, it becomes harder for dislike to rewrite your story.

Then, practise calm confidence. You don’t need to overexplain yourself. You don’t need to fight every battle. You don’t need to win every argument. Sometimes the most powerful response is steady excellence and emotional self-control.

Also, document your impact. Keep track of what you’ve delivered, the outcomes, the feedback, the wins, the value you create. This is not for bragging. It is for clarity. When doubt and criticism come, evidence helps you stay anchored.

Finally, find your people. Build a circle of mentors, peers, and supporters who can remind you of who you are when workplace energy gets messy. You need safe spaces where you can process, reset, and return stronger.

Here’s a question I now ask myself whenever I start worrying about who doesn’t like me.

Am I showing up authentically?

Am I delivering value?

Am I growing into the leader I aspire to be?

If the answer is yes, then I’m on the right path.

Your career is not a popularity contest. It is about impact, influence, and excellence. And the truth is, the higher you go, the more you must learn to lead without universal approval.

Let’s normalise success without the need to be liked by everyone.

Have you ever faced resistance in your career growth? How did you navigate it? Let’s discuss.

With over three decades of experience as a trailblazer in the legal profession, Chinyere Okorocha has established herself as a leading voice in law, leadership, and career growth for women. As a partner in one of the most prestigious law firms in the country, she has not only navigated the complexities of a competitive industry but has consistently broken barriers to become a sought-after leader, mentor, and advocate for women in the workplace.
A devoted wife and proud mother of three, her career development platform, Heels & Ladders, is dedicated to mentoring and guiding women who aspire to redefine success, achieve career mastery, and lead with purpose.