Zainab Aderounmu 
Adulting can be really hard, especially for nascent adults. What do you mean I have to pay all my own bills? Sighs!
But what no one really prepares you for, is how lonely the journey feels. The quest for personal development, building a life you’re truly proud of, is a very solo journey. Even when you have a community of friends, or family, there are some battles that really boil down to ‘every man being for himself’.
But what if most of your loneliness is actually self-imposed? Shame may prevent you from reaching out to family or friends for support. It may not even be financial, sometimes it’s just emotional or moral support you need. Yet, you find yourself making excuses for them: “They’re probably too busy,” and you choose to suffer in silence.
I got this epiphany a few days ago when I attended a social gathering for the first time in ages. Prior to that, I had been rejecting all forms of invitation; no weddings, no meetups, nothing. I always had an excuse. However, I couldn’t reject this particular one because it’ll mean I wasn’t there for someone I loved, so I attended. Every single person was excited to see me, and I ended up getting clarity from two intimate conversations. ‘Is this what I’d been afraid to show up for?’ I thought.
The structures that exist in our current society makes our loneliness almost inevitable. Social media platforms make it easy to keep up with each other, but with curated versions of ourselves, not the real ones. WhatsApp statues may make you feel like you’re close to someone but they’re only posting a fragment of their reality. This means that we’re lonelier than ever before, despite the easier means of communication because we’re all now chasing the algorithm, the numbers, not the people who make the numbers.
The irony? As humans, we’re biologically wired for connection. Ignoring that need leaves us drained and depressed. And the cycle feeds itself, you feel low, so you withdraw; you withdraw, so you feel even lower.
In other words, society contributes to your loneliness, but your own choices amplify it. Contrary to what you think, you have a community of people who love you and want to support you. Of course, there will always be people who probably want to tear you down but on the flip side, there are people who are genuinely concerned. You just have to stop shutting them out.
TEDx speaker Amy Shoenthal puts it perfectly: turn to your community when you hit a setback. Make connecting a habit. Send a quick text, place that phone call, show up in person when you can. “Sometimes, your community sees how amazing you are when you can’t.”
So, before you decide to suffer in silence, remember “there is love at home.”
Zainab ADEROUNMU A. W. is a First Class graduate of English Language and the Overall Best Graduating Student from the Lagos State University, Lagos Nigeria. She’s a professional Master of Ceremonies, known as The Hijabi Compere , a public speaking coach and Communications Professional. She is currently a Youth advisor to the European Union where she doubles as the Spokesperson and Head of Communications & PR for the Youth Sounding Board.