Zainab Aderounmu 
How long more?
…Using Kemi Adetiba’s “To Kill A Monkey” as reference
I recently watched Kemi Adetiba’s “To Kill A Monkey” and the beginning of Efe’s story got me thinking: ‘How long can grown adults blame their parents for their misfortunes?’
If you haven’t seen the movie, it chronicles the story of a young man who was born into abject poverty, and he blamed his father for everything he never owned or couldn’t afford while growing up. The interesting part was when he spoke about how he understood his father’s situation when he finally had kids. He didn’t talk about ‘hustling’, or building something, or even striving to attain something until he had had children.
The next question that came to me was, ‘Your father was once young like you, and you’ll grow to be old like he is. So, what are you doing in the moment to avoid ending up in the same cycle?’
This came back to me in a conversation with friends last week. We were talking about the importance of courage and telling our own stories. Their excuse? “Our parents didn’t teach us to be bold.” I went blank. Because boldness, like any skill, can be learnt. Excuses don’t build courage. Action does.
Here’s the thing: As kids, we don’t get to choose our circumstances. But once we’re grown, we can’t keep outsourcing responsibility for our lives. We can’t keep saying, “My parents didn’t give me money, or confidence, or connections.” You’re an adult now. The weight of responsibility is on your shoulders. What will you do with it?
If you have trauma from childhood, are you seeking spaces to heal? If you didn’t have the privilege of a wealthy network of aunties and uncles, are you intentionally building your own? If you weren’t taught about money and finance, are you still doomscrolling or are you learning how to invest?
As a child, you’re shaped by your environment but the moment you grow old enough to handle things for yourself, you’re defined by your decisions. Choosing to stay stagnant, choosing not to grow, choosing to avoid responsibility, those are decisions. At that point, you’re not a victim of your parents anymore. You’re just stuck in self-pity.
In the words of Stephen Covey, “you’re not a product of your environment; you’re a product of your decisions. We’re not victims, we’re agents. We are the creative forces of our lives, and we are free to choose. But we have to be reminded of this all the time.”
So yes, acknowledge the pain, heal from it, but stop using it as a lifelong excuse. Take action.
Because the truth is, nobody’s coming to save you. And blaming your parents won’t pay your bills or change your life. Responsibility will.
Zainab ADEROUNMU A. W. is a First Class graduate of English Language and the Overall Best Graduating Student from the Lagos State University, Lagos Nigeria. She’s a professional Master of Ceremonies, known as The Hijabi Compere , a public speaking coach and Communications Professional. She is currently a Youth advisor to the European Union where she doubles as the Spokesperson and Head of Communications & PR for the Youth Sounding Board.