Zainab Aderounmu 
Have you ever heard the maxim, ‘your network is your net worth?’ Well, your network isn’t only your net worth, it’s also your life line.
A recent study showed that we experience social exclusion in the same region of our brain where we experience physical pain and an MIT research found that we crave social belonging when isolated, in the same way we feel hungry while fasting. Loneliness can lead to health issues, the same study concluded.
In other words, the need to have a supportive network or community is a biological requirement. You can’t debate it. Beyond biology, the six degrees of separation rule shows that you can connect to anyone through a chain of six acquaintances in your network.
The question now is, what is the quality of people in your community and how are you cultivating them?
As an event host and compere, I’ve had the privilege of moderating many amazing events over the years, but two stand out the most: a 70th birthday celebration and a Mother’s Night gathering.
Why would such mundane events stand out? You would ask. It’s because these events showed me the power of community and networks. On both occasions, I saw friends who have known themselves for over 6 decades. Their religious and ideological differences didn’t stand in their way.
How is it possible to stay friends with a group of people for that long, I wondered.
I got my answer. In one of the events, the celebrant’s best friend got a last-minute gift. She had planned the party and everything was ready but she thought something was missing. On impulse, she searched for vendors on Instagram for a last-minute presentation, that was in addition to everything she already bought for her event.
‘I just thought it’ll be nice for her, you know,’ she said to me. No gesture was too much for her friend.
How many times have you cut a friend off because they didn’t wish you a happy birthday, or because they didn’t text back? It’s almost like we hold up an invisible pair of scissors, ready to cut friends off for the littlest slip up.
But true community is built on grace, forgiveness, and a willingness to give more than we expect to receive. Here are a few things to know if you want to build lasting relationships:
Have those hard conversations
Most misunderstandings stem from sweeping things under the carpet. I once had a fight with a friend and we had the silent treatment for weeks. When we finally resolved the issue and spoke about it, we realized it wasn’t just a misunderstanding but a mishearing. I had said something and she thought I said something else entirely. Weeks of silent treatment for nothing!
Give generously without the mind to receive
This doesn’t really need to be explained but how many times have you compared the prices of the gifts your friends got you to the ones you got them? Do you catch yourself measuring how many times you call them to how many times they call you? I’m not talking about a non-reciprocal relationship but a real one. Stop counting, stop measuring. It only builds resentment in your heart.
Finally, treat your community like a garden, one you need to tend consistently and lovingly. That way, your networks move from just being social circles to pillars of strength when you need them the most.
Zainab ADEROUNMU A. W. is a First Class graduate of English Language and the Overall Best Graduating Student from the Lagos State University, Lagos Nigeria. She’s a professional Master of Ceremonies, known as The Hijabi Compere , a public speaking coach and Communications Professional. She is currently a Youth advisor to the European Union where she doubles as the Spokesperson and Head of Communications & PR for the Youth Sounding Board.