The Anatomy of Grief

Zainab Aderounmu

August 4, 2026

An icy wave of shock washed over me, as I tried to confirm my suspicions. It can’t be that my phone is truly gone. I let out an unhinged cackle that made the lady standing next to me raise her eyebrows. I paused for a moment, trying to retrace my steps. At what point did I lose my phone? 

I had woken up excitedly that morning. It was my baby girl’s wedding, and I couldn’t wait to usher her in with the bridal train. I got ready with a sing-song demeanour, already dreaming of what the day would look like. The venue was in Ikorodu, so I opted to take the ferry. And that, ladies and gentlemen, was where it began to unravel.

It was on the ‘napep’ between my home and the terminal that I stopped seeing my phone. I walked to the tuk-tuk stand to try to find my guy, but he had vanished, and no one seemed to know who he was. That was when denial set in. ‘No, it can’t be. How did I lose track of something so important to me? Why did I not put it in my bag? Why did I even have multiple bags?’

In this situation, the Nigerian thing to do is call the phone, to ascertain whether the finder is a thief, or a benevolent soul who wasn’t sure how to return a lost item. 

“The number you’re trying to dial is not reachable at the moment, please, try again later.”

I first lowered the ruffled cinch detail I had added to the left front side of my boubou. Heat, with a mix of sadness, rose quickly from my lower belly to my chest. ‘‘Why did I have to be so careless on such a joyful day!? Why would a human being be comfortable with taking other people’s things!? Was it the lady who sat beside me? She really didn’t look like a thief. God, why me? Do you no longer love me? How could you let this happen to me, your beloved? Wait, I’ll have to obtain a new one?’ What about the pictures I haven’t backed up?” 

I burst into tears. The woman whose phone I used tried to placate me, but failed. I cried on the short walk home, bumping into people and poles along the way. By the time I got home, I had begun to bargain with myself and with God. ‘‘What if someone was kind enough to just return it. What if I hadn’t even left my house at all? Why did I have to go to the ferry, why not just by road.’’ By the time I got home, I plonked carelessly into my bed, and wept for hours. 

I’ve noticed that telling a person to “take heart” or move on from something they’re grieving does not help. When my friend asked what plans I had to buy a new one, I became very angry. I haven’t got there yet! 

Depression, especially caused by loss, isn’t something you can easily move on from. Moreover, it doesn’t matter what you lose, as long as it’s valuable to you, grief is a natural response. Modern neuroscience shows that the brain processes grief like physical pain using circuits tied to memory and attachment. 

“What will I shoot my content with? What will happen to the data on it?’’ During the brain’s response to grief, the amygdala becomes overactive leading to anxiety and mood swings. The brain continues to search for that which is lost, which explains the intense yearning, and inability to just ‘let it go’. If the brain cannot accept the permanence of loss, its reward and attachment circuits become heightened which prevents healing. Owing to this, some people develop Prolonged Depression Disorder.

However, because it was just a phone, I eventually got to acceptance stage. “At least, it wasn’t another loved one. Thankfully, I’m still alive, hale and hearty, I can always get a new one.”  I spent the rest of my dampened day under my duvet, reading a children’s book. At least, I would get less screen time until I got a new device.

Not every form of loss is easy to come out of, grieving isn’t a sign of weakness, it’s a perfectly normal biological response to loss. The next time you’re about to lose empathy, keep that in perspective.   

About Author

Zainab Aderounmu A. W.

Zainab ADEROUNMU A. W. is a First Class graduate of English Language and the Overall Best Graduating Student from the Lagos State University, Lagos Nigeria. She’s a professional Master of Ceremonies, known as The Hijabi Compere , a public speaking coach and Communications Professional. She is currently a Youth advisor to the European Union where she doubles as the Spokesperson and Head of Communications & PR for the Youth Sounding Board.