Women Now Dream Different Dreams

Zainab Aderounmu

March 10, 2026

Society has always expected certain things of people, with more elaborate must-haves for women in particular.

In the unfolding of our lives, an unquestioned hand wrote the order of specific events with their accompanying timelines; go to school, get a great job, get married and have children, which is at the centre of it all. If at thirty, you were unmarried and without kids, you’d automatically become a failure, as if no other alternative dream was valid.

However, Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie’s novel, Dream Count, tells the story of four women who dreamed different dreams, capturing a growing reality far more than we care to admit.

Chiamaka’s dream for example, a passionate love that truly sees her, and causes a merging of souls, is one we’d tell women to ‘grow up’ about. As if finding or seeking real love is an activity reserved for fairies and not humans.

The encounter where she almost married Chuka just because ‘they were a good match’, is a story too many young women have admitted. For instance, Ifedayo Agoro, founder of DANG, has spoken openly about the engagement she broke off just two months before the wedding, when she realised she was marrying only to ward off societal pressures.

Chia too, as she’s fondly called in the novel, almost willed herself to fall in love with Chuka because it was a sensible match, and she could have found much worse prospects at her ripe age of thirty. Like Chia, many women are tempted to choose what makes sense to everyone, except themselves.

At forty-two, Zikor, her successful lawyer friend, could no longer afford to be picky or to hold out for love. Her dreams were simple: study law, get a good job, get married and have two children.

Unfortunately, the other half of her dreams wasn’t panning out, particularly because it depended on another human being’s willingness. As a result, she suffered repeated mistreatment from her lovers. Her life took a devastating turn when the man she believed loved her and planned to marry her, got her pregnant and vanished upon hearing the news. The poor woman faced childbirth alone.

Kadiatou, a poor village girl from Guinea, married and became widowed. She married her uncle’s choice for her and gave birth to a girl. In an unexpected turn of events, her first love, whom she wasn’t allowed to marry, helped her apply for asylum in the United States, and it was granted. She rebuilt her life from the ground up and was content living a life she had never imagined was possible.

Of all the women, I found Omelogor most interesting because she lived by a different script. She wasn’t interested in marriage and she wasn’t afraid of what people thought of it. She built a full rich life and frequently hosted her friends. Yet, her family thought her life was missing its most important piece; the single thing that would make her whole, even when she was already whole.

It reminded me of aunties quickly rebuking when you asked if marriage truly was compulsory. “God forbid! May God not make you unfortunate,” they would say quickly even when many marriages around them hardly resembled great fortune.

Yet, attitudes are shifting. The recent State of Love Report by Zikoko, shows that there’s a growing minority of younger people who are questioning the importance of marriage. Although nearly 5000 young Nigerians believe marriage is for love and compassion, 4 in 10 married respondents admitted to regretting being married.

The question isn’t why the pinnacle of one’s life ambition is tied to this societal arrangement, although that is something to scrutinise. The question is: if marriage really is about finding love and companionship, why do we shame people who are yet to find theirs?

Zainab ADEROUNMU A. W. is a First Class graduate of English Language and the Overall Best Graduating Student from the Lagos State University, Lagos Nigeria. She’s a professional Master of Ceremonies, known as The Hijabi Compere , a public speaking coach and Communications Professional. She is currently a Youth advisor to the European Union where she doubles as the Spokesperson and Head of Communications & PR for the Youth Sounding Board.