5 Important Conversations Before ‘I do’

Zainab Aderounmu

February 17, 2026

Love is the greatest feeling in the world, and it’s perfectly fine to allow yourself to be swept off your feet. However, love cannot replace alignment and you can only ensure you’re aligned with your significant other by having those tough conversations. So, just before you gleefully say I do, here are five must-have conversations. 

1. Individual Dreams : Marriage is a fusion of systems and individual goals. If you’re the type of person who wants multiple degrees or radical career growth, it’s not a conversation you gloss over or assume will sort itself. No, never cross the bridge when you get to it, instead, equip yourself with information about the bridge so crossing it becomes easier. Or, you may just discover that it’s not worth crossing.  I once had a friend whose boyfriend told her she’d have to pick between graduate studies or marriage. Don’t close your eyes to red flags in the name of love. 

2. Personal Development: This is closely tied to the above, but here, you discuss the logistics of your personal development. Imagine you’re taking a 6-weeks course that requires hours of intense study, what kind of support would you want your significant other to provide? Who procures  dinner? It sounds normal until you realise the details weren’t communicated and you’re not getting the support you need.

3. Gender Roles: Gone are the days when you can safely assume what the other person ought to believe about gender roles. This isn’t about modernisation or feminism; it’s just choosing who and what works best for you. Some men are chefs (professionally) and are happy to handle the food, while some women are at home in the kitchen. One might expect the man to provide 100% while he’s inclined towards shared responsibility. Do not wait to be surprised. 
4. Finances: What will the financial structure look like? If there’s a sharing system, what would the quota be? Beyond a sharing system, this is a conversation about what money means to you, your money beliefs and habits, expectations or fears. You might be a spontaneous spender who believes there’s more to come and the other person is a saver. Talk about it, iron out your differences before committing. 
5. Counseling: I have a friend whose significant other didn’t believe in counseling. It was a big red flag and thankfully, he spotted it. The myth is that counseling is only for broken people and that’s not it. It provides expert guidance for growth, understanding or reconciliation even before conflicts arise. 

Finally, don’t get caught up planning a wedding that you forget the actual marriage. Sit through tough conversations, plan, align, adjust and most importantly, don’t ignore the red flags. 

Zainab ADEROUNMU A. W. is a First Class graduate of English Language and the Overall Best Graduating Student from the Lagos State University, Lagos Nigeria. She’s a professional Master of Ceremonies, known as The Hijabi Compere , a public speaking coach and Communications Professional. She is currently a Youth advisor to the European Union where she doubles as the Spokesperson and Head of Communications & PR for the Youth Sounding Board.